HP TouchPad Re-Fondle Aborted

I went to three different Best Buys today.

The first had the TouchPad in a very inconvenient location that would have had people bumping into me as they passed by.

The second had two HP TouchPads and neither of them would turn on!

The third had very bad WiFi and the demo HP TouchPad was possessed by something (what does “Application Database is nearly full” mean?).

I settled at the third Best Buy, the same place my initial fondle took place. Hell, it might have been the same pair of TouchPads from back then.

Despite the bad WiFi — I would make allowances for that — I tried to go through my Torture Fondle Protocol (I won’t make that post public until I’ve finally run it, if ever!). I did a Reset of the TouchPad before I proceeded, to try to clear out whatever had been lurking in it. That’s when I got that Application Database message. Trying to get more information — as prompted — was a FAIL due to the poor WiFi.

The TouchPad at the first and third Best Buys were so fucked they wouldn’t even save screensnaps! That’s a problem I have never, ever had with all of my iPad fondles. Not once.

The TouchPads also had that craptastic demo on them that sabotages experiencing the machine.

Still, I tried.

But the TouchPad was a disaster. Some sites rendered so poorly, I couldn’t account for why. Now maybe this issue was cleared-up with the 3.0.2 update — but these units were still stuck running 3.0.0! I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a demo iPad that was not updated to the latest publicly-available software.

These are the big problems with the TouchPad:

1) If you press and hold a link to Open In New Card, it puts that Card in a Stack. I don’t want the damn Card in a stack! The default should be a standalone Card or there should be an Open In Stacked Card option added.

2) Since Open In New card puts the Card in a Stack, I wound up with a Stack of like ten open sites. What a frikkin nightmare that was. Fanning the deck was screwy and trying to pull one Card out to make it standalone failed most of the time. There was like a gravity that pulled it to another Card to create another Stack!

3) Sometimes I got a website opening in two Cards — the one the link was in (overwriting the original website) and one in a new Card. WTF?

4) I hate those fucking concentric circles as touch feedback. It distances me from the touch feedback. It’s as if the touchscreen is responding, not any button on the screen. When I touch something on the iPad, it reverses or changes color and it does something immediately. No such feedback happens on the HP TouchPad — nor any immediate action. You get those stupid fucking circles. That also waste time.

5) What the hell is up with the screwy vertical scrolling in web pages? Others have also brought this up, but let me add my voice too: When I scroll up or down, I want only up or down. I don’t want the site to zig-zag on the screen!

I wasn’t able to do my Photo test.

I wasn’t able to save screensnaps to post.

I never even got to any test PDFs because website rendering was failing left and right, with screwball displays.

And even though I had the camera with me, I was so frustrated and pissed-off that I didn’t even think to take any pictures.

HP is not going to sell any more of these until they fix those damn demo units. People should be able to get the full HP TouchPad experience — just as people are able to get a full iPad experience.

Over a billion dollars was spent to acquire Palm.

Given this massive in-store fuck-up that still continues, and the disastrous sales to date, I think it’s time for some heads to roll.

Oh, and all you who have been waiting for a TouchPad Go? You really think retailers are eager to carry a second device that won’t sell? There’s another reason for heads to roll. The entire future of webOS has been flushed away.

6 Comments

Filed under webOS

6 responses to “HP TouchPad Re-Fondle Aborted

  1. James Moat

    I was at Costco tonight, and saw that they were selling two tablets. The first was a working Acer Iconia – seemed fully functional except for no Wifi access in the store. I was able to try the basic functions, pick it up, and get the general idea of how it worked.

    I looked over and saw that the other tablet was the HP TouchPad. Ironically, one could not TOUCH the TouchPad – it was sealed in a display case. I should have snapped a picture, but you get the idea. I cannot begin to fathom buying a tablet without trying it.

  2. Charles Jenkins

    “HP is not going to sell any more of these until they fix those damn demo units. People should be able to get the full HP TouchPad experience — just as people are able to get a full iPad experience.”

    The sad part is, what you got may be all there is to the full HP TouchPad experience.

    @James: Not much difference between locking it away in a display case and not providing WiFi access so you can see how the device actually works. I’d be suspicious of anyone selling a tablet who didn’t want me to get online with it.

    • James Moat

      @Charles: Yes, but my point was that at least the Acer unit was available for me to get an IDEA of how it works. I agree completely that it was an incomplete demo. The TouchPad had some inane “demo” video playing on it – worthless, and as we’ve seen with today’s news, a complete FAIL.

  3. James Moat

    @Jake: Dude, calm ain’t how Cane rolls.

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