Go To Hell, Superheroes

Building a Bigger Action Hero

Brando never did crunches. Al Pacino didn’t slurp protein shakes. Cary Grant had never even heard of burpees, BOSU balls, or human growth hormone. But not one of today’s leading men can afford the luxury of a gym-free life. You simply don’t get your name on a movie poster these days unless you’ve got a superhero’s physique – primed for high-def close-ups and global market appeal. Getting there takes effort, vigilance, and the dedication of the elite athlete: high-intensity training, strict diets, supplements, and hormone replacement. If that fails, there are always drugs. Today’s actors spend more time in the gym than they do rehearsing, more time with their trainers than with their directors.

And I grew up as a huge comic book fan.

Not anymore. I can’t stand the fucking movies they’re doing.

I’ll take Jimmy Stewart fighting the entire country with only his voice in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington over any goddammed actor in a latex costume with steroid-assisted bulk.

I again quote Nikki Finke, who saw it all coming back in 2008:

Pretty soon, every single fucking Hollywood film is gonna be based on a comic one way or another. Ugh.


Filed under Collapse, Movie, Pottersville, Stupid

4 responses to “Go To Hell, Superheroes

  1. Hollywood already crapped out every remake, mashup, X-“but on crack”, and shitty modernization of every half decent movie of the last several years. Comics are a constant flow of ideas to buy on the cheap. How many starving comic writers are out there who will sell the rights to their comic for nothing and couldn’t care less what happens after the check clears?

  2. Mike

    Sorry to hear you feel this way Mike. I actually love all of the comic based films because I grew up watching the horrible live action renditions of the ones released in the 70’s/80’s & 90’s. I was a devout Marvel/D.C. Comic reader as well. I actually love the fact that the actors are taking on the physical appearance of the comic characters they are portraying. If they are doing it the natural healthy way..I’m all for it. Especially for the amount of money these actors are making now. Doesn’t surprise me. But we all know this isn’t the case now days. If they are willing to inject themselves with growth hormones, steroids and such to bulk up, it’s on them. I appreciate the art form and I’m glad I’m living to see this ultimate Renasaince in film making with all of the special effects and such. Awesome indeed.

  3. Keishon

    Well, I think Hollywood’s preoccupation with youth and beauty is the problem not superheroes (even though that is one aspect of it). I’ve enjoyed a couple of the MCU films but I don’t watch them all and Marvel has several coming up, too, that are skiip worthy.

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